St.
John Baptist de La Salle wrote a very interesting book called “The Rules of
Christian Decorum and Civility.” Written over a period of eight years and
published in 1703, the book enjoyed wide popularity, going through 45 editions
and 120 printings during the next 200 years. There are quotations from it that
still crop up now and again. Some years ago, I was ferretting through a barrel
of books outside of a store in Concord, CA, when I spied an interesting
cookbook about soups, and in flipping through it stumbled upon a quotation from
De La Salle that came from this original book on politeness, where there is a
whole section devoted to eating soup.
This
was a book written for the classroom, as a reading text for those who had
learnt enough to be able to read something simple and basic, out loud and
together. The reasoning was that the kids might as well read something
profitable.
The
“audience” consisted of ten to twelve-year-old inner city boys, who were more
familiar with street smarts than book smarts. So you might well imagine the
topics covered. There’s a section on
“The Nose and the Manner of Blowing Your Nose and Sneezing” that contains
pertinent advice such as “It is not refined to keep your handkerchief in your
hand or to offer it to someone else, even if it is very clean. However, if
someone asks for it and insists, you may hand it to him.” And that’s one of the
milder pieces of advice.
The
topics also include how to have a conversation, how to act when you join or
leave a group, and the six situations in which one should take off one’s hat.
There is no doubt that the book was put together based on real observations and
real situations by teachers. Reading it, one could well see that students might
be quite intrigued with the offered advice. In fact, one historian has said
that the parents of students often improved their behavior because of the politeness
lessons brought home by their sons.
Politeness
and decorum remain as worthy a topic in the 21st century as it was
in the 17th. Today the specific areas of concern deal with
technology (mobile phones, internet usage, gaming, social networks, etc.) and
its possible consequences (social myopia or lack of interaction skills, instant
expectations of self and others, insensitivity to feelings or perspectives, and
the like). At a later time, it will be worth exploring these a bit more deeply.
For now, it’s sufficient to remind ourselves that the true knowledge of
virtues, civility, and politeness requires the engagement of virtues, civility,
and politeness. The doing leads to the being.
One
of the best guidelines has ever been the same: “Do unto others what you would
have them done unto you.” There’s
a reason they call it the Golden Rule.
