There is an
interesting contrast happening today (Thursday). Back in the U.S., they are
celebrating Thanksgiving. It is the busiest time of the year for airports,
highways, and transportation systems. Everyone is trying to get home to their
families, because this is a time to celebrate the fact that we have a family,
that we are part of a family, and that “family” is an important thing. It was
Robert Frost, the American poet, who said: “Home is the
place where, when you have to go there, they
have to take you in.” Home is the one last refuge
from unrealistic expectations.
As all of you will know, in Singapore it is
also the day when the PSLE (Primary School Leaving Exam) results are made known. Young Grade 6 students far
and near will find out how well they did in this all-important examination. Can
they now go to the high school of their choice, or will they instead go to a
school with some lesser perceived value? The PSLE, from what I’ve come to
understand since my arrival a short time ago, is something that is much more
likely to bring anxiety than to relieve it, much more likely to cause stress
than to dissipate it. It is a marker for what is expected, both now and into
the future. There is no refuge from expectations when it comes to this unique
and inescapable academic rite of passage.
Since I have not experienced the PSLE (I
don’t want to, thank you) and since I’ve not been a parent of a student who has
experienced it, I cannot fully perceive the potent power of the PSLE. What I
have heard, however, are the views of older Singaporeans who say: “Oh, yes. We
had that exam. But our parents just told us to study. They did not stress over
it, and we did not stress very much either. We just took it.” Apparently at that
time, this exam was pretty much like any other exam: probably difficult, but
okay if you studied what you were told to study. And most students had a pretty
good notion of how they were going to do on it anyway, because they knew
themselves better than their parents.
There seems to be a lot written about today’s
phenomenon of PSLE frenzy, some of it self-propagating. The government seems to
be trying to tone down the volume a bit, which is a good thing. Others say that
parents will now just have to find other ways of determining the best schools
for their children. That is also a good thing, because perhaps they will stop
for a minute and really think about what is going on. Young people are not
little adults, miniature versions of themselves. They need to be good young
people before they can be good adults. Expecting them to be adults (“Act like
an adult!”) or to have adult expectations of themselves (“If you fail this, you
will not be able amount to anything!”) is as unrealistic as it is sad.
Expectations should be an invitation, and perhaps even a stretch goal. But they
should draw out, not push in. Let kids be kids. The rest of life will be here
soon enough.
Let’s stretch our expectations of ourselves.
Let home be home. Let home feel like home. Let home be the place where you know
they will take you in, PSLE results and all. Meanwhile, pass the turkey.
