I don’t know about you, but I find it much
easier to preach the Golden Rule than to actually go to the trouble of living
it out. The momentum of popular culture, crowds, and psychology – not to
mention and blame hormones, tiny as they are – make following it virtually
impossible, pie in the sky, something to ignore and left to wither and die on
the roadside. Stop bothering me! So why, then, are we brought back to this same
principle of the Golden Rule again and again by so many religious traditions
such that it has become the most important articulation of intentionality that
calls out from our human capacity for relationship? Why do people think that
the Golden Rule is the key to everything important and worthwhile? Does it
apply to my life today, right now?
After he had said to his followers “Love
your neighbor as yourself”, Jesus was asked “Who is my neighbor?” His answer
was the story of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37), where someone went out of
his way to help a person he could have very easily left alone in the ditch,
beaten and robbed. One major difference between the Good Samaritan and the
others who passed by is that the Good Samaritan saw the actual person, not the
superimposed thing. When you truly – TRULY! - see another as a person, it’s
impossible not to help him/her, not to treat them as you would want to be
treated. The trouble is that most of us haven’t quite been able to train
ourselves to habitually see others as real persons. Our more prevailing habit
is to be self-centered, ego-trained, seeing everything through me, myself, and
I.
As a result, it has generally been easier
and perhaps more fun, to treat another person as a thing, as a non-person whose
only real role is to serve my needs, to answer my desires, to do or be what I want
them to do or be. They are not what I am; they couldn’t be. They are what I
want them to be. That’s it; crossed arms; stern face; no compromise. I can use
you as a thing, because I am the most important thing….uhhh, person in my
universe. Think pornography, bullying victims, intentionally vicious gossip,
even an angry stare or dismissive gesture – all involving people that you
really do or could know better. Every self-deception disappears into regret as
soon as we think of or come to know those others as real people, persons with
mothers and fathers, with problems and worries and rent to pay, with quiet
evenings of loneliness because of mistakes made or decisions lamented, with a
deep hunger for the only thing that makes any real difference – genuine caring,
or kindness, or concern from others. And if you don’t think that you will ever
be in such a place yourself, one that is uniquely your own, then you’re just not
paying attention. The world is great, but it’s full of real people, and you’re
one of them – just one.
The problem with the notion that I can
treat others as things (in effect and approach) is that it cannot hold,
depending almost entirely on the goodness of others who do not share that
notion as fiercely or as completely. Character blossoms when “me” turns into “thou”
and “things” grow into “persons.” It happens most dramatically when love is ripped open
like a ripe fruit, through parenthood, love at first sight (or its equivalent),
an impulsive kind gesture to someone in need, a service trip, a drive to change
society for the better. It happens steadily and deeply through problems shared
and joys celebrated, mysteries encountered and wonder ignited. The Golden
Rule is golden only when it rules. At all other times it lies covered,
hidden or forgotten, awaiting its time in the sun of my ego, where it may come
to shine more truly than anything that I might be able to create or imagine on
my own, especially myself.
I can think of several very specific cases
right now – as you do – that call out, deserve, and even demand the Golden Rule
within us. Perhaps one of the simplest and best ways to bring it to life is by
refusing to condone “person as thing” attitudes, perspectives, or
manifestations: “No, I won’t look at that. Delete it.” “No, I won’t say that.
You shouldn’t either.” “How about if we do something positive for him/her
instead?” The alternative is to completely shut out out the Golden Rule – “If I
don’t think of it, it won’t be true.” However, doing that runs the very real
risk of becoming the “things” that we treat as such, losing the unlived gift of
personhood and never finding the gold inside the rule, or even inside ourselves.
As with most things, the worthwhile and
important “rules” of good living require some effort. They also have unexpected
rewards that are inversely proportional to the amount of words required to
articulate them. Perhaps that’s why the Golden Rule tops them all. Try it and
see.
- Islam: “Not one of you truly believes until you wish for others what you wish for yourself.” (The Prophet Muhammad, Hadith)
- Buddhism: “Treat not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.” (Udana-Varga 5.18)
- Hinduism: “This is the sum of duty: do not do to others what would cause pain if done to you.” (Mahabharata 5:1517)
- Taoism: “Regard your neighbour’s gain as your own gain, and your neighbour’s loss as your own loss.” (T’ai Shang Kan Ying P’ien, 213-218)
- Christianity: “In everything, do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets.” (Jesus, Matthew 7:12)
- Judaism: “What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor. This is the whole Torah; all the rest is commentary.” (Hillel, Talmud, Shabbat 31a)
